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Humor and grief: a letter from me to you
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Today, I’d like to make a departure from the tone of our typical blog articles. Instead of writing about grief research or ways to lead a healthier life, I’d like to get a little bit personal.
First, an introduction: I’m Lindsey. I’ve been writing these blog posts for about a year now.
I came into this job several months ago, not from a history interacting with funerals, but from a history interacting with content. Having curated, written, and edited articles for several brands in the past, I was excited for the opportunity and challenge of attempting to connect with an online audience in this topic area that was so foreign to me.
Embarking on this new adventure, I determined that I would be open to trying new things ... things that seemed weird or unnatural, even. That’s what led me, after a couple of months on the job, to try posting humorous content on our Facebook page -- a move I made with some trepidation, considering that our industry is naturally so focused on soothing those who have experienced great loss.
It started back in March of this year with a comical cartoon I stumbled upon online. The illustration is of a group of mourners at a cemetery standing next to a square-shaped casket awaiting interment. The ground beside the casket has been dug up, but not in a square shape. Instead, the hole is circular. One of the mourners is saying, “Well, he never fit in, so this is how he wanted to be remembered.”
I posted the image on Facebook, aware that our audience might not be ready to accept a humorous message from our company. But, as I said earlier, I was determined to at least try.
What I discovered from posting that cartoon and several subsequent funny images -- a man on his deathbed requesting to be buried with an elephant bone to confuse future archaeologists, vegetables crying at an onion’s funeral, what happened when Picasso was a mortician for a day -- was that not only is our audience mostly OK with humor as it relates to death and grief, they actually seem to love it.
Since I began working with Newcomer, my five most successful Facebook posts have been funny ones. The best one so far? A cartoon featuring the regrettable aftermath of a corn cob’s cremation.
Now, I look forward to the day of the week, every week, when my humor posts go live for our audience to see. (That day of the week, by the way, is Thursday … in case you’re interested in following the future of these posts.) I’m excited each time somebody likes or shares one.
I’ve done some thinking about why humor, of all things, would perform well on a funeral home’s social media site. One reason is certainly because of the venue; if the funny videos and images in my news feed are any indication, Facebookers love humor. But I think there may be more to the success of those posts than their natural potential to go “viral.”
In this discussion, one particular story comes to mind: When I was much younger, my good friend’s mother passed away. She’d had a long battle with cancer, and though her death was not a surprise, that loss was huge for many. My friend, who had cared for and comforted his mother throughout the end of her life, was certainly mournful. But shortly after his mother’s passing, he started to crack jokes about it.
My reaction to his attempts at humor after such a huge loss was, at first, discomfort. Wasn’t it disrespectful to laugh? Didn’t laughing somehow diminish the gravity of the situation?
Over time, and having experienced several great losses of my own, I’ve come to understand that what my friend was doing made a lot of sense. It was healthy, even. At times when events in my life have been the most difficult, humor has been an indispensable comfort. Poking fun at myself for the circumstances surrounding a breakup, dissolving into fits of giggles when my stress has overwhelmed me, and even, somehow, finding a way to laugh about the way my grandpa wore his baseball caps while struggling with Alzheimer’s disease … these moments of joy that punctuated such palpable sadness helped me cope. They helped me see that something good could be on the other side of my circumstances.
Which brings me back to today, as I spend a few moments looking at my company’s Facebook data and notice, once again, that our most recent humorous post has far surpassed all other recent posts in popularity. I like to imagine that this one, along with the others, has reached at least one grieving person and allowed her to find a moment of joy. In reality, so much of our lives are outside of our control, but if we can find ways to laugh about what’s hard or what we don’t understand, I think we can probably conquer almost anything.
Thank you for laughing and for allowing me to laugh with you.
We’re always interested in hearing what you think about the content we post here and on Facebook. If you have ideas or suggestions, please reach out. You can send us a message over on Facebook.
Losing a loved one is an emotional and challenging time, and navigating the funeral process can feel overwhelming. Whether it’s your first time making funeral arrangements or you’re unsure about certain aspects of the process, it’s natural to have many questions. Understanding the typical procedures and options available can help ease the burden during this difficult time. Here are some of the most frequently asked funeral questions and their answers to guide you through the process. 1. What is the difference between a funeral and a memorial service? A funeral typically involves a ceremony held with the body of the deceased present, either before or during burial or cremation. It often includes a viewing or wake, where family and friends can pay their respects. A memorial service , on the other hand, takes place after the body has been buried or cremated and does not involve the presence of the body. Memorial services may be held in various settings, such as homes, churches, or other venues, and can be personalized to reflect the life of the deceased. 2. What is embalming, and is it required? Embalming is a process that involves preserving the body to delay decomposition, usually for viewing purposes. It is not legally required in most places but may be necessary if the body is to be displayed at a public service or transported over long distances. In cases where there will be no viewing, embalming is typically not needed. However, certain states or countries may have regulations about embalming or the timing of burial. It’s important to check with the funeral home to determine what’s required in your area. 3. How much does a funeral cost? The cost of a funeral can vary greatly depending on factors like location, the type of service, and the funeral home you choose. There are options to help manage funeral expenses, such as cremation (which can be less expensive than burial), choosing a less elaborate service, or purchasing a funeral plan in advance. 4. What is cremation, and how does it differ from burial? Cremation involves the process of reducing the body to ashes. Many people choose cremation for its simplicity, lower cost, and flexibility in how the ashes can be kept, scattered, or interred. Some people opt for a cremation memorial service, where the ashes are present but there is no body. Burial , on the other hand, involves placing the body in a casket and then burying it in a cemetery. This option may include the purchase of a grave plot, headstone, and other related services. The choice between cremation and burial depends on personal, cultural, and religious preferences. 5. What are the steps in planning a funeral? Planning a funeral typically involves the following steps: Notify family and friends : Reach out to close family and friends and inform them of the passing. Choose a funeral home : Select a funeral home to help with arrangements, including embalming (if applicable), obtaining necessary permits, and coordinating transportation. Select the type of service : Decide on whether you want a funeral, memorial, or graveside service. You’ll also need to choose the location and any religious or cultural elements to incorporate. Choose a casket or urn : Select a casket for burial or an urn for cremation. There are many styles and price ranges to choose from. Plan the ceremony : Work with the funeral director to plan the service, including music, readings, eulogies, and floral arrangements. Arrange for transportation : The funeral home will coordinate the transportation of the body to the service and burial or cremation site. 6. Should I pre-plan a funeral? Pre-planning a funeral is a personal choice. Many people choose to pre-plan to relieve their loved ones of the burden of making arrangements during a time of grief. Pre-planning allows you to specify your wishes for the service, casket, burial, and other aspects of the funeral, ensuring your desires are respected. Additionally, pre-paying for a funeral can help protect your family from rising costs in the future. However, it’s important to carefully consider pre-planning options, as funeral costs can vary, and you’ll want to ensure that the plan is flexible and fully understood by the family members who will carry out your wishes. 7. What are the options for scattering ashes? If you choose cremation, there are many options for what to do with the ashes: Scattering : Many people choose to scatter the ashes in a location that had significance to the deceased, such as a favorite park, beach, or nature spot. Keepsake urns : Some families choose to keep a portion of the ashes in a special urn or piece of jewelry. Interment : Ashes can be interred in a family plot or at a cemetery, either in a niche or within a memorial garden. Other creative options : There are many creative options for commemorating the deceased, including turning ashes into diamonds or using them to create a memorial reef. 8. What is a death certificate, and why is it important? A death certificate is an official document issued by a governmental authority that confirms the death of a person. It is essential for handling legal and financial matters, such as settling the deceased’s estate, claiming life insurance, and closing accounts. The funeral home typically assists in obtaining several copies of the death certificate. 9. Can I personalize a funeral service? Absolutely! Many families choose to personalize the funeral service to reflect the deceased's personality, passions, or hobbies. You can incorporate meaningful music, photos, special readings, or even display personal items that were important to the deceased. The funeral director can help guide you through creative options for personalization. 10. What should I do if I can’t attend the funeral? If you’re unable to attend the funeral in person, consider sending flowers, a sympathy card, or making a charitable donation in the deceased’s honor. If the family holds a memorial service, they may also offer the option to participate virtually, such as through a livestream. It’s always thoughtful to express your condolences in any way possible. Funeral planning can be complex, but understanding the answers to these frequently asked questions can help make the process easier to navigate. Whether you are arranging a funeral for a loved one or pre-planning your own, it’s important to take the time to make informed decisions. By doing so, you can create a meaningful, respectful ceremony that honors the life and memory of the deceased, while providing comfort to those who are grieving.
Funerals are an emotionally challenging time, and floral arrangements play a crucial role in expressing condolences, offering comfort, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Whether you are planning a tribute or selecting flowers to send, the arrangement you choose can convey sentiments of sympathy, remembrance, and love. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the selection process thoughtfully and respectfully. Understand the Purpose of Funeral Flowers Funeral flowers have long been associated with expressing sympathy, love, and reverence for the deceased. They provide a visual representation of the support and empathy being extended to grieving families. Floral arrangements can also enhance the atmosphere, offering a sense of peace, comfort, and beauty amidst sorrow. When selecting funeral flowers, think about the emotions you wish to convey. A well-chosen arrangement can serve as a tribute to the life of the deceased and a source of solace for those mourning. Types of Funeral Floral Arrangements There are various floral arrangements, each serving a distinct purpose. Here’s a breakdown of the most common options: Casket Sprays: Typically placed directly on the casket, these large, elegant arrangements are often the most prominent floral tribute. They can be designed in various colors and styles, including traditional or more contemporary themes. Standing Sprays: These arrangements are often displayed at the front of the ceremony or in a prominent location and are typically mounted on an easel. Wreaths: Circular in shape, wreaths symbolize eternity and the circle of life. They can be placed near the casket or at the memorial site. Wreaths are particularly popular for religious ceremonies. Sympathy Bouquets and Basket Arrangements: These smaller arrangements are often sent directly to the family’s home after the funeral. Funeral Crosses: These floral arrangements take the shape of a cross, providing a religious and solemn tribute. Selecting Flowers for the Arrangement The type of flowers chosen for a funeral arrangement can add another layer of meaning. Some flowers have traditional associations with funerals and carry symbolic meanings that make them particularly appropriate for these occasions. Lilies: Often regarded as a symbol of the restored innocence of the soul of the deceased, lilies are a popular choice for funerals. They convey purity and peace. Roses: Different colors of roses convey different meanings. Red roses symbolize love and respect, while white roses represent purity, innocence, and reverence. Yellow roses can symbolize friendship, making them a thoughtful choice for someone who was a dear friend. Chrysanthemums: Particularly popular in many cultures, chrysanthemums symbolize death and are often associated with the honor and remembrance of the deceased. Carnations: Known for their long-lasting qualities, carnations are often used in funeral arrangements to symbolize love and remembrance. Red carnations are associated with admiration, while white carnations represent a love that is eternal. Orchids: An elegant choice, orchids are often associated with beauty, strength, and love. They are a fitting tribute to someone whose beauty or strength left a lasting impression. Daisies: Known for their simplicity and purity, daisies symbolize innocence and are often chosen for someone who led a kind and pure life. Color Choices The color of the flowers can convey different sentiments. Generally, soft pastel tones such as white, pale pink, lavender, and soft yellow are seen as respectful and peaceful. Darker hues like deep reds, purples, or burgundy can symbolize deeper emotions of mourning and respect. Consider the emotional tone you wish to set when selecting the color scheme. White and Light Colors: These colors are symbolic of purity, innocence, and peace. They are ideal for creating a calming, reflective atmosphere. Rich Colors: Darker flowers like deep reds and purples are more somber and convey respect, admiration, and heartfelt mourning. Mixed Colors: A mix of colors can be used to celebrate the life and personality of the deceased, particularly if they enjoy vibrant colors. Selecting funeral flowers is a meaningful way to show respect and offer comfort during a time of loss. When choosing an arrangement, think about the message you want to convey and the emotions you wish to express. From elegant lilies and roses to more personalized arrangements, flowers provide a beautiful tribute to the deceased and a heartfelt gesture for grieving families. Whether you opt for traditional arrangements like casket sprays and wreaths or choose simpler options like sympathy bouquets, your selection can help honor a life lived and provide solace to those mourning the loss. Thoughtfully chosen funeral flowers will offer comfort during one of life’s most challenging moments.
The death of a loved one is an emotionally challenging experience, often compounded by the financial uncertainty that follows. However, Social Security benefits can provide crucial financial support to help surviving family members navigate this difficult time. These benefits, administered by the Social Security Administration (SSA), are specifically designed to assist eligible survivors such as spouses, children, and in some cases, dependent parents. Understanding how these benefits work and who qualifies can make a significant difference in reducing financial stress during this period of grief. Who is Eligible for Survivor Benefits? Survivor benefits from Social Security are available to a range of family members, and eligibility depends on various factors including age, relationship to the deceased, and any disabilities. Let’s explore who may qualify: A surviving spouse: A widow or widower can begin receiving benefits as early as age 60, or at age 50 if they are disabled. If the surviving spouse is caring for the deceased's child who is under 16 or disabled, they may be eligible for benefits at any age. Children: Biological children, adopted children, and sometimes stepchildren can receive benefits if they are under the age of 18. If a child is still in high school, they can receive benefits until age 19. Additionally, if a child is disabled and the disability occurred before they turned 22, they may also be eligible for lifetime benefits. Dependent parents: If the deceased was providing at least half of their parent’s financial support, and the parent is 62 or older, they may qualify for survivor benefits. Beyond these primary groups, there may be other specific scenarios where relatives, such as ex-spouses, may also qualify for benefits under certain conditions. For example, a divorced spouse can receive benefits if they were married to the deceased for at least 10 years and meet the same age or disability requirements as a surviving spouse. The Lump-Sum Death Payment In addition to monthly survivor benefits, a one-time lump-sum death payment of $255 may be available to eligible survivors. This payment is typically made to a surviving spouse who was living with the deceased at the time of death. If there is no surviving spouse, the payment may go to the deceased’s children who meet the necessary eligibility criteria. While the $255 death payment may not seem like a large amount, it can help cover immediate costs, such as final expenses or funeral arrangements, offering families a little relief during an already stressful time. How to Apply for Survivor Benefits Applying for Social Security survivor benefits requires taking a few important steps. It’s crucial for survivors to notify the SSA as soon as possible after the loved one’s passing. In many cases, the funeral home can report the death to the SSA if provided with the deceased’s Social Security number. Once notified, the SSA will begin the process of assessing eligibility for survivor benefits. The following documents are typically required to apply for survivor benefits: The deceased’s Social Security number Proof of the applicant’s relationship to the deceased (such as a marriage certificate or birth certificate) The applicant’s own Social Security number A death certificate issued by the funeral home or state authority Survivors can apply for benefits online via the SSA’s website, by phone, or in person at a local Social Security office. It’s worth noting that while some applications can be completed online, others, such as those for children or dependent parents, may require an in-person visit or a phone interview. When Do Benefits Begin? Once approved, Social Security survivor benefits typically begin the month after the loved one has passed away. However, it’s important to act quickly in submitting an application, as retroactive benefits are limited to six months. If the survivor waits too long, they may miss out on receiving benefits for earlier months. Additionally, the amount of survivor benefits varies depending on factors like the deceased’s lifetime earnings, the survivor’s age, and their relationship to the deceased. The SSA uses a complex formula to calculate the benefits, but in general, the more the deceased paid into Social Security during their lifetime, the higher the benefits will be for their survivors. Planning for the Future Social Security benefits play a critical role in supporting families after the loss of a loved one, providing both short-term and long-term financial relief. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with the qualifications and application process to ensure you secure the necessary financial support during this challenging time. For those currently planning their estates, it’s also a good idea to discuss these benefits with loved ones so they are aware of what assistance may be available. Proper planning can reduce confusion and stress when these benefits are needed. For personalized assistance, survivors can always reach out to their local Social Security office for guidance.
Grief is a universal experience, yet it affects each of us in deeply personal ways. Whether mourning the loss of a loved one, a cherished relationship, or a life chapter that has passed, words can provide comfort and understanding during difficult times. Throughout history, writers, poets, and thinkers have captured the essence of grief, offering wisdom and solace through their words. Here are some of the most poignant quotes about grief and what they teach us about love, loss, and healing. 1. "Grief is the price we pay for love." — Queen Elizabeth II This simple yet profound quote reminds us that grief is a natural consequence of deep love. The pain of loss reflects the depth of our connections, serving as a testament to the significance of those we mourn. 2. "What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." — Helen Keller Helen Keller’s words offer reassurance that love transcends physical presence. The memories and impact of those we've lost remain embedded in our hearts and minds. 3. "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." — C.S. Lewis In his book A Grief Observed , Lewis articulates the raw and unpredictable nature of grief. The uncertainty, anxiety, and vulnerability that accompany loss can feel overwhelming, much like fear itself. 4. "There is no grief like the grief that does not speak." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow This quote highlights the importance of expressing grief. Suppressing sorrow can deepen our pain, while sharing our feelings can foster healing and connection with others who understand. 5. "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered." — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Kübler-Ross, a renowned psychiatrist who studied the grieving process, reminds us that grief never truly disappears. Instead, we integrate our losses into our lives, growing around them as we move forward. 6. "Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." — José N. Harris Grief often brings tears, and this quote reassures us that crying is not a weakness but a reflection of the love and compassion we carry within us. 7. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." — A.A. Milne Attributed to the beloved Winnie the Pooh author, this quote shifts our perspective on grief, reminding us to be grateful for the meaningful relationships that make parting so difficult. 8. "Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest." — Jamie Anderson Anderson’s words beautifully frame grief as a continuation of love. Even in sorrow, love remains—unexpressed, yet deeply felt. Finding Meaning Through Grief While grief is painful, these words of wisdom remind us that it is also a profound expression of love. Though loss can feel insurmountable, we can find comfort in the knowledge that love never truly leaves us—it transforms, lingers, and shapes the way we continue to live. If you’re grieving, take solace in these words and know that you are not alone. In time, healing will come, and your love for those lost will continue in new and beautiful ways.
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